Tuesday, July 27, 2010

It's official.

This eating healthfully all the time thing is darn hard work! I feel like the exercise part is almost totally enjoyable...hard work too, but hard work that feels good and that I really like. Not eating junk food, on the other hand, is the sort of hard work that makes me mad! Strange emotion to feel perhaps, but it's anger I feel none the less.

Why be mad? There are several reasons. First, I am mad that I let myself get to a point where I really have to avoid eating treats almost all together because I have so much extra weight to loose....so forcing myself to abstain from those treats is a reminder to me of how undisciplined and glutenous I have been in the past.

Secondly, I feel angry that it is so incredibly EASY to get and be fat in our society!! I am not blaming anyone for where I have gotten myself, but our society sure makes it a breeze to get here! The grocery stores are chalk full of calorie laden processed foods. Last weekend, I bought some cheap-o sandwich cookies to give out at our garage sale. I was appalled that just 3 of those little cookies had a total of 170 calories!! The average person probably consumes a dozen of those in a sitting...that's almost 700 calories worth of junk...over half your daily allowance of calories!! The junk is everywhere; in our grocery stores, restaurants, gas stores, vending machines at the YMCA, even our kid's school lunches are made up mostly of high-calorie, low-nutrient, overly processed foods! It makes me mad that everyone is okay with this!! It makes me mad that the "normal" American diet is mostly junk food! The obesity epidemic (which, I admittedly have been a part of) will not end until we drastically change the way we eat...and this makes me mad! And now I realize that to do my part in ending this trend, I should have given out some cut veggies or fruit instead of those evil cookies...but "free carrot sticks" just doesn't seem to have the same draw that "free cookies" does....but it should!

Finally, I feel mad that I can't just do whatever I want...that I can't just eat whatever I want when I want to. Does this make me sound like a spoiled 3 year old? Yes. But that's the way I feel....so there! :) Maybe it's different for you, but it is hard for me to be disciplined in so many aspects of my life (kids, dishes, laundry, pet care, vacuuming, church, relationships, etc) and then NOT be able to just eat what feels good at the moment. That doesn't really make a lot of sense, I suppose; if I'm disciplined in so many areas of my life, it should be easy to add just one more, right? Wrong. I have used food as my reward for getting stuff done. I have used food as a stress reliever and when I am avoiding a task....or an unpleasant emotion. I have used food as a time killer, a way to make my down time feel more special, as a placator, and as a way to get back at whatever it is I am angry about. Intellectually, this has never made sense. I have always known the healthy way to eat. Emotionally, it has been an "easy out" and the not-good-for-you friend you turn to when you don't feel worthy of your really nice, high-quality friend.

Food should be food; nourishment and sustenance to give your body the fuel it needs to be healthy and strong. I know a lot of people are able to think of food this emotionally healthy way. These people eat mostly healthy foods without having to go through an emotional tirade inside. They enjoy a "treat" now and again, but are able to eat a regular-sized portion. I hope that, with lots of practice, I will be able to get to a place where food is not such a big, hairy deal! I want to be able to not long for junk that way I do now. I want to be able to not feel like a fight is going on inside me every minute of every day about what I will and won't eat. Until that time, I might just go on feeling mad. :)


  1. right on, sister!! err. daughter literally. but i agree 100%. that's exactly how it is. i don't feel the anger right now, but i have in the past, and i didn't like it. i haven't liked all of what you've outlined as our struggle with food. why should i have to think of it in a special way when i know that there are those who do think of food as just a sustenance item. i've actually been there, but when i feel as you have described, i just can't relate to that other good attitude and outlook! guess i am mad about that part.
    thanks for continuing to write in an honest and open way. it helps me be more real.
    and you might remember from a book we both have read: chapter one, verse one is "lightne up!!"