Sunday, September 5, 2010

It is really for reals and everything!

For the past 12 years, I have been fat. During those 12 years, I have always planned on loosing weight. Always. There have been a few times where I have lost weight, and even then, I always planned to loose loose all the extra weight.

My planning has included doing things like buying clothes in smaller sizes (since I planned on fitting into them soon, it would be ridiculous to buy clothes in my actual size!) and having plenty of "eat-all-you-want" weekends since I was planning on starting my new, healthy lifestyle soon!

Planning to loose weight for all these years has gotten me a few tubs full of now outdated clothes that I have really never worn in sizes I have never really been since BTF (Before The Fat,) and plenty of extra pounds enjoying those "last" binge weekends!

After years and years of planning but never really doing, I find myself sort of assuming that this time is just more "planning." I have to actually pinch myself and remember that, "Hey! You are REALLY making this happen! This time is different!"

It feels so good to have quit planning and to actually be on the road to loosing weight and becoming super healthy!! It feels really good to know I have continued to work hard and stick to my plan! It's awesome to think I have already lost 20 pounds....and now only have about 40 to go! It also feels a little scary.

This journey of changing my life for the better is not what comes easy to me. It is not my natural state to think about the food I put in my mouth. It takes dedication and effort to get to the gym every day and work out my hardest.

This process and journey is scary because it requires trust: I have to trust myself to stick with it...I have to have faith that I will. That may sound silly since I am the one in charge of my choices, but I am not really the most consistent person on the planet!! I make lots of totally awesome, rock'n plans....and then let those plans fall through after short periods of time.

Don't get me wrong, I am SUPER committed to loosing ALL the extra weight and being SUPER healthy and strong!!!!!!! I am NOT going to give up!! I am going to be on this journey until I reach my goals...then continue on in the land of Healthtopia for the rest of my life and never allow myself to become unhealthy again!!

I can trust myself.

And, I'm really doing it! I'm really, actually loosing weight and sticking to it! :) I wonder how much longer I will have to remind myself of this fact!

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