Sunday, October 17, 2010

An End To The Four Day Break.

This last week, I over-worked my calves to the extent that I could barely walk for several days. Today was day4 and the first day that I was not in excruciating pain and could actually walk around. Because of this, I didn't work out on Thursday, Friday or Saturday. Because I was not in the "work-out mode," I did not eat as well as I should. I don't expect to loose any weight this week, but I think I needed this little break. I have lost almost 40 pounds relatively quickly and I think I was starting to freak out a bit. It's a bit scary for me to think about not being fat anymore. Weird? Probably. Normal? Probably. I think we all carry extra weight for a reason; very few of us are fat just because we love food....most of us have have either used food or even used our fat as a crutch as we hobble through our various emotional issues. Every day of this journey toward health and wellness has felt a bit precarious to me; like standing on the edge of a precipice. If I stepped too far in the wrong direction (i.e. too many calories and/or not enough exercise) then I would fall to my doom (i.e. fattville.) I was beginning to feel like a victim again. "Poor Heidi can't eat this or that or even that. Poor Heidi can't miss a day of working out or else she'll be fat forever," etc, etc, etc. Taking this bit of a break to just breathe, appreciate where I am compared to where I was and to remember what I ultimately want has helped me to refocus and recommit to my goals.
I now feel invigorated to dig in and work hard again. I have been sort of slacking here and there (which has caused several weeks of either no weight loss or very little) and I am ready to quit being a slacker! I am going to be in total control again and work hard. I don't really have any trouble working hard at the gym (I actually really enjoy working out,) but I really have to focus and be committed to working hard when it comes to food. This week, I am going to work at calories and eating more veggies. My goal is to have breakfast and lunch each 300 calories, then two snacks around 200 calories each then dinner around 500 calories. I am going to resort to measuring things so I know for sure how many calories I am consuming...and looking up some things on the Internet (like how many calories in a cup of grapes, for instance.) I'm hoping that being super disciplined with food this week will help to empower me to make better choices and get me through the next 3 or 4 months of loosing. Then, hopefully, I will be at my target weight and can work on maintenance!!! How exciting that will be!!! :)

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