It Ain't Just a River in Egypt!

We're talk'n about DENIAL, here people! And boy have I been living in it! I had no clue I was, which I guess is why it's denial!

I have always used whole grains and we drink skim milk. We haven't regularly eaten things like Pop-Tarts, Eggo's or Lucky Charms for breakfast. We really only drank soda once a week for family movie night or when we shopped at Sam's Club....these things all led me to believe I had a pretty healthy diet.

Tonight while strolling through the grocery section of Wal-Mart, it finally dawned on me that in fact, no...I have not been as healthy an eater as I had thought I was all these years. I really have considered myself a fat person who ate mostly healthy.....which is a total contradiction; how could you become fat if you ate a healthy diet?

Since starting "The Plan" about 6 weeks ago, there are quite a few things I have changed about the way my family and I eat. For example, we used to eat take-out or fast food about once a week (more during stressful weeks...) Restaurant food has soooooooooooo much fat and calories!! You can easily and quickly consume more than a whole days worth of calories in one meal! And still have left-overs!! I never really thought much about it and always justified the meal by saying things like "it's just a really stressful day" or "I need a break" to myself.

In thinking more deeply about how we used to eat I realized even more things we used to do that were way less than healthy! We used to have tortilla chips with every mexican-ish meal we ate. Realistically, each of us would eat a couple of servings worth of chips at said meals...that is a LOT of fat and calories. We also used to have chips around to eat with sandwiches. I have a *special* weakness for chips so never really even considered not having them! I sort of thought of it as my reward for working so hard! Extra fat jiggling around on your thighs, as it turns out, is really not such a nice reward. We used to not eat very many fruits or veggies. I would have days where I ate a lot of veggies or a weekend when we snacked on fruit, but it was never a consistent part of our diet. It has always been a pain to try and get the kids to eat fruit and veggies, so I avoided the battle....never really considering that I should lead by example. Also, I used to get myself a special snack when I ran errands without the kids. It made me feel like I was getting a special treat and like it made my time alone even more relaxing and rewarding. Again, adding more cellulite is really not the most special alone time activity!

There are a LOT of others ways I have changed the way we eat. I think it just never really hit me how drastic and different these changes have been until this evening in Wal-Mart. I saw a lot of over-weight people pushing carts full of food that is KEEPING them over-weight and unhealthy. Suddenly, I felt empowered with the knowledge that my choices and the food in my cart are leading me down a road toward health and fitness. It hit me that, YES! I am really doing this! I am really, finally changing what needs to be changed! I am no longer in denial about my "healthy" lifestyle! I am ACTUALLY living a healthy lifestyle!! For reals!!

I spent most of last week feeling very angry (thus the lack of posting...) I was angry that I had to change; angry that I couldn't eat what I would like to eat; angry that it's not okay to be fat; angry that I was hungry but it was too late in the evening to eat; angry that it was so easy to get so fat; angry that getting healthy is such hard work; angry to have put myself in a position where I have so much weight to loose; angry that Doritos have so many calories...the anger was strong!

Tonight, now that I have fully realized where I have been (living a pretty unhealthy lifestyle,) I feel happy! I feel happy that I have finally taken control; happy to be able to change; happy to have the support of my husband and family; happy to have the knowledge I need to make healthy choices; happy and hopeful for the progress I've made and the great progress I know I will make; happy that I can trust myself to continue on the path to health and fitness; happy to be proud of myself for working hard! :) And oh so happy to no longer be in denial!